oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
