I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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