o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
