I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
