yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
