We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize