First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
