Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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