Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
