so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
