i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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