guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
