If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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