I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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