We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
