my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
