How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
