the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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