I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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