hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
