Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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