I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
