Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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