I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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