You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
