But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
