Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
