That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
