It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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