I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
