I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
