I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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