I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
