You can't special order awesome
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize