I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
