Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
