dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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