Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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