i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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