you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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