dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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