the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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