look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
