So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
