Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
