OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
