No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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