I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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