her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
