Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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