So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
