He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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