It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
