do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
