I'm eating all of the evidence.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
