She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
