Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
