I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
