i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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