considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
