UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
