I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
