Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
