Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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