I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
