just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
