Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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