she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
