He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
