eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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